Other::Curry tasting judgesIf you've ever had a curry, this is one of the funniest things I've seen all year. I tried to read it to the outlaw in-laws and became quite breathless! Do try reading it aloud!Sorry about the way it is spaced.======================================INEXPERIENCED CURRY TASTERNotes From An Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Phoenix, Durban, South Africa from the U.S."Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.Here are the reportcards from the event:________________________________________Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster CurryJUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Indian fellows are crazy.__________________________________________Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner CurryJUDGE onE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.___________________________________________Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curryJUDGE onE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium...

Hiya!::Fart in a jar as a leaving gift!!!What a thoughtful person you are, what better way is there to say thanks and show that you care?;o)

Hiya!::Smellshell has joined the forumHi, Smellshell has joined you. Let's start ...Profile: Smellshell | PM

blondes::Did you hear about the blondethat...1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.2.Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries.9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds"14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.15. What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc? A blonde at a flashing redlight.16. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down"

Other::Anal GlaucomaA woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well!'What's the matter?' he asks.'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.'What the hell is anal glaucoma?''I just can't see my ass coming into work today.

Other::Public school teacher arrested!NEW YORK- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. KennedyInternational Airport as he attempted to board a flight while inpossession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator!!At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said hebelieves the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carryingweapons of math instruction.Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutionsby means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search ofabsolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer tothemselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a commondenominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God hadwanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have givenus more fingers and toes."White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligentor profound statement by the president.

Other::Fascinating Johnny!A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word"fascinate" in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm,and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word"fascinate, not fascinating".Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and Iwas fascinated."The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to usethe word "fascinate."Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she hadbeen burned by Little Johnny before.She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word"fascinate", so she called on him.Johnny said, "My aunt Billy Jo has a sweater with ten buttons, but herbreasts are so big she can only fasten eight." The teacher cried.

Female Jokes::Computers are Like Women* No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.* The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.* Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.* As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.* You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

Male Jokes::Computers are Like Men* In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.* They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.* They have a lot of data but are still clueless.* As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.* They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

Hail Mary!::Bloody Lutherans ;o)A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"And the minister says, "Just water."The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"And the minister looks down at the bottle and says,"Good Lord, He's done it again!"